Combining cricket and sex is a pointless exercise. It simply never works. IPL cheerleaders, nudes in lad's mags holding bats and balls, cricket-themed porn sites and Brian Lara Cricket booth babes -- all have entered the game of late and all are about as sexy as KP in a thong.
Why? Becuase this is cricket -- a game for ugly men in jumpers, a game for long, drawn out boredom spotted with an occasional wicket and a hesitant fielding change. Call us bluff old traditionalists, but we don't want to see glamour models in cricket pads trying to work out which end to grab the bat.*
Asylum has therefore dived into the archives of Google Image Search to examine the history of attempts to combine cricket and sex. Feel free to review the evidence -- we think you'll agree that the two worlds of cricket and porn should be kept far, far away from each other.
Watching pornography may be the best prescription for the five million American men who suffer from clinically low testosterone.Recently, drug companies have begun pushing testosterone-boosting products onto the public. But since studies have shown just having an erection produces a significant natural burst of testosterone, biological anthropologist Helen Fisher bluntly suggests males should "go on the Internet and look at porn" as a kind of hormone-replacement therapy.
Men begin losing their testosterone at 30, and it can result in decreased height and athleticism, as well as general malaise.Luckily it's the heroes of pornography to the rescue. Soon "I'm doing it for the health benefits" could be the new "I read it for the articles."
Shahid Kapur is promoting the idea of safe-sex in his forthcoming film KAMINEY. According to reports the actor will be seen in a song that is dedicated to convey the message of safe-sex in order to prevent the deadly AIDS.The lyrics of the song have been penned down by producer and director of the film Vishal Bharadwaj and it will be aired from August onwards.
In the film, Shahid plays a character who is involved in social service. He is seen crooning to this number against the backdrop of a red light area.The song has been sung by Sukhwinder Singh and is supposed to become a new campaign song for social awareness purposes.
WELSH Guys are the most likely to sleep with more than one woman a night, size doesn't matter to girls, and people in North East are least likely to carry a condom, according to a new sex survey.
Buying condoms continues to make people squirm with 65 per cent of teens and 50 per cent of over 31s getting embarrassed about shelling out for protection, found Fusion Condoms which questioned more than 5,000 people.
Those in Northern are least likely to bed more than one person in 24 hours, with just 18 per cent scoring twice in a night, which is just as well because they also get the most embarrassed about buying condoms.
And it's bad news for safe sex in Wales. Here, the people are most likely to sleep with more than one person, but also the most willing to have sex without a condom if partner asked them.
A recent survey revealed that half of all under-25s don't use condoms with new partners.
This has led to a rise in gonorrhea by 42 per cent between 1998 and 2007. And almost 3 per cent of British teenage girls give birth, the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Europe.
For more results from the Fusion survey, see below:
Embarrassment when buying condoms
56.1 of all people in the UK are embarrassed to buy condoms.
53.7% of men are embarrassed to buy condoms.
58.6% of woman are embarrassed to buy condoms.
64.5% of 16-19 years olds are embarrassed to buy condoms.
57.3% of 20-30 year olds are embarrassed to buy condoms.
49.5% of people aged over 31 are embarrassed to buy condoms.
51.0% of people in the East Midlands are embarrassed to buy condoms, the lowest regional figure.
64.8% of people in Northern Ireland are embarrassed to buy condoms, the highest regional figure.
Sex versus alcohol
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14.4% of all people in the UK would rather give up sex than alcohol.
12.5% of men would rather give up sex than alcohol.
16.0% of woman would rather give up sex than alcohol.
14.6% of 16-19 years olds would rather give up sex than alcohol.
13.8% of 20-30 year olds would rather give up sex than alcohol.
15.0% of people aged over 31 would rather give up sex than alcohol.
11.1% of people in London and the South East would rather give up sex than alcohol, the lowest regional figure.
16.3% of people in the East Midlands would rather give up sex than alcohol, the highest regional figure.
Condoms at the essential moment
71.4% of all people in the UK have been without a condom at the essential moment.
72.9% of men have been without a condom at the essential moment.
70.0% of woman have been without a condom at the essential moment.
70.3% of 16-19 years olds have been without a condom at the essential moment.
72.9% of 20-30 year olds have been without a condom at the essential moment.
69.8% of people aged over 31 have been without a condom at the essential moment.
67.6 % of people in the East Midlands have been without a condom at the essential moment, the lowest regional figure.
81.0% of people in Northern Ireland have been without a condom at the essential moment, the highest regional figure.
Carrying a condom
22.0% of all people in the UK always carry a condom on a night out.
25.5% of men always carry a condom on a night out.
18.8% of woman always carry a condom on a night out.
19.3% of 16-19 years olds always carry a condom on a night out.
22.3% of 20-30 year olds always carry a condom on a night out.
23.3% of people aged over 31 always carry a condom on a night out.
19.8% of people in the North East always carry a condom on a night out, the lowest regional figure.
25.6% of people in the North West always carry a condom on a night out, the highest regional figure.
Does size matter?
61.4% of all people in the UK think size doesn't matter.
58.4% of men think size doesn't matter.
64.4% of woman think size doesn't matter.
62.5% of 16-19 years olds think size doesn't matter.
61.0% of 20-30 year olds think size doesn't matter.
61.5% of people aged over 31 think size doesn't matter.
63.9% of people in Scotland think size doesn't matter, the highest regional figure.
52.9% of people in Northern Ireland think size doesn't matter, the lowest regional figure.
Sleeping with more than one person in 24 hours
23.5% of all people in the UK have had sex with more than one person in 24 hours.
30.4% of men have had sex with more than one person in 24 hours.
16.6% of woman have had sex with more than one person in 24 hours.
22.1% of 16-19 years olds have had sex with more than one person in 24 hours.
23.1% of 20-30 year olds have had sex with more than one person in 24 hours.
25.0% of people aged over 31 have had sex with more than one person in 24 hours.
26.9% of people in Wales have had sex with more than one person in 24 hours, the highest regional figure.
18.1% of people in Northern Ireland have had sex with more than one person in 24 hours, the lowest regional figure.
Not using a condom if your partner does not want to use one
14.3% of all people in the UK would have sex without a condom if their partner did not mind.
19.7% of men would have sex without a condom if their partner did not mind.
9.0% of woman would have sex without a condom if their partner did not mind.
19.8% of 16-19 years olds would have sex without a condom if their partner did not mind.
15.3% of 20-30 year olds would have sex without a condom if their partner did not mind.
10.1% of people aged over 31 would have sex without a condom if their partner did not mind.
10.2% of people in the South West would have sex without a condom if their partner did not mind, the lowest regional figure.
18.2% of people in Wales would have sex without a condom if their partner did not mind, the highest regional figure.
GORGEOUS Kelly Brook has revealed how she keeps in shape - by having hot sex with lover Danny Cipriani.Kelly, 28, says never has to worry what she eats because her romps with the 21-year-old rugby ace burn off so many calories.The Strictly Come Dancing star - size 8 with 32E boobs - says: "Sex keeps me fit and healthy - what can be better than that?"
She's right. Sex can burn calories at around the same rate as cycling, so an hour of action could burn as many as 300 calories.Regular nookie also boosts circulation, lowers cholesterol and reducing stress levels by releasing feel-good endorphins.It can even help you stay healthier and live longer according to a study by Wilkes University in Pennsylvania.
It found that men who had regular sex had stronger immune systems while those who had more orgasms saw their likelihood of prostate cancer drop by a third.Bonking will also help Kelly maintain her looks.Increased output of oestrogen and other hormones helps lead to shiny hair and a glowing complexion.
Most men who lose interest in sex are very embarrassed about it. They may try to tell themselves - and their partner - that it's normal to stop wanting to make love when you're 35 - or whatever milestone they've passed.That's rubbish - there are plenty of sexually active pensioners.Or they say their partner is a sex maniac, though all she (or he) is wanting is to make love once or twice a week maybe - hardly wild.
Or they say they've too many problems at work - which may be part of the reason but it doesn't mean that nothing can be done about it.Or they try to put the blame on their partner - they say that she's too fat to turn them on, or doesn't make love well enough - when in fact they are just looking for someone to blame for a loss of interest they sense within themselves.
None of this is surprising when you remember how devastating it is for a man to lose interest in sex. Right from when he was young he will have heard men swapping banter about how randy they are.
He fears he's not a proper man if he doesn't feel like sex.If you're going to get past this barrier you're both going to have to overcome your own insecurities and confide in one another.
OK, if your relationship is generally poor, you should be getting help from a counsellor rather than just worrying about the sexual element, but if you two generally get on well, take a deep breath, say you love your partner, miss making love and you want the two of you to work together to revive your sex life.
A medical check up would be a good idea. Cutting down on smoking and drinking could also have a dramatic effect, since both affect the blood supply to the bits that matter. Getting regular exercise will help too.
I know some guys have got the impression that Viagra is a cure-all for just about every male sexual problem, or that it can be used as a recreational drug simply to enhance sex even when there is no real problem - except perhaps a bit of boredom.
In fact, Viagra has been designed specifically to help men experiencing physical problems in getting or maintaining an erection. It is not suitable for all men - and can be dangerous in some circumstances - which is why it is only available in this country on prescription.
So-called Viagra available on the Internet often isn't the real thing, or may be formulated in the wrong strength for you.Viagra isn't the answer when the problem is that a man has just lost interest in sex, has lost his sex drive, when it isn't related to physical difficulty in keeping or maintaining an erection.
And it's important not to try to self-medicate because research has shown that taking Viagra can damage men's fertility by affecting their sperm.If erection problems are the real issue, I can send you a free leaflet spelling out self-help therapy. If work problems or other worries are a stress factor, my leaflet on Coping with Nervous Stress will help. If it's age-related, the one on Sex in Later Life contains plenty of practical suggestions.
But the problem often isn't physical so much as that the man's not giving his love life the priority it deserves - and needs if it is to survive.He may have a very stressful job but in that case he needs to learn how to relax properly if he's not to harm his health as well as his sex life.
Plan a couple of evenings or afternoons a week you will spend relaxing together - it doesn't have to lead to making love but just being together.Learn how to give each other a massage - a wonderful way of relaxing but also of getting back in touch with all the marvellous sensations our bodies can give us.
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