Combining cricket and sex is a pointless exercise. It simply never works. IPL cheerleaders, nudes in lad's mags holding bats and balls, cricket-themed porn sites and Brian Lara Cricket booth babes -- all have entered the game of late and all are about as sexy as KP in a thong.
Why? Becuase this is cricket -- a game for ugly men in jumpers, a game for long, drawn out boredom spotted with an occasional wicket and a hesitant fielding change. Call us bluff old traditionalists, but we don't want to see glamour models in cricket pads trying to work out which end to grab the bat.*
Asylum has therefore dived into the archives of Google Image Search to examine the history of attempts to combine cricket and sex. Feel free to review the evidence -- we think you'll agree that the two worlds of cricket and porn should be kept far, far away from each other.
Watching pornography may be the best prescription for the five million American men who suffer from clinically low testosterone.Recently, drug companies have begun pushing testosterone-boosting products onto the public. But since studies have shown just having an erection produces a significant natural burst of testosterone, biological anthropologist Helen Fisher bluntly suggests males should "go on the Internet and look at porn" as a kind of hormone-replacement therapy.
Men begin losing their testosterone at 30, and it can result in decreased height and athleticism, as well as general malaise.Luckily it's the heroes of pornography to the rescue. Soon "I'm doing it for the health benefits" could be the new "I read it for the articles."
WELSH Guys are the most likely to sleep with more than one woman a night, size doesn't matter to girls, and people in North East are least likely to carry a condom, according to a new sex survey.
Buying condoms continues to make people squirm with 65 per cent of teens and 50 per cent of over 31s getting embarrassed about shelling out for protection, found Fusion Condoms which questioned more than 5,000 people.
Those in Northern are least likely to bed more than one person in 24 hours, with just 18 per cent scoring twice in a night, which is just as well because they also get the most embarrassed about buying condoms.
And it's bad news for safe sex in Wales. Here, the people are most likely to sleep with more than one person, but also the most willing to have sex without a condom if partner asked them.
A recent survey revealed that half of all under-25s don't use condoms with new partners.
This has led to a rise in gonorrhea by 42 per cent between 1998 and 2007. And almost 3 per cent of British teenage girls give birth, the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Europe.
For more results from the Fusion survey, see below:
Embarrassment when buying condoms
56.1 of all people in the UK are embarrassed to buy condoms.
53.7% of men are embarrassed to buy condoms.
58.6% of woman are embarrassed to buy condoms.
64.5% of 16-19 years olds are embarrassed to buy condoms.
57.3% of 20-30 year olds are embarrassed to buy condoms.
49.5% of people aged over 31 are embarrassed to buy condoms.
51.0% of people in the East Midlands are embarrassed to buy condoms, the lowest regional figure.
64.8% of people in Northern Ireland are embarrassed to buy condoms, the highest regional figure.
Sex versus alcohol
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14.4% of all people in the UK would rather give up sex than alcohol.
12.5% of men would rather give up sex than alcohol.
16.0% of woman would rather give up sex than alcohol.
14.6% of 16-19 years olds would rather give up sex than alcohol.
13.8% of 20-30 year olds would rather give up sex than alcohol.
15.0% of people aged over 31 would rather give up sex than alcohol.
11.1% of people in London and the South East would rather give up sex than alcohol, the lowest regional figure.
16.3% of people in the East Midlands would rather give up sex than alcohol, the highest regional figure.
Condoms at the essential moment
71.4% of all people in the UK have been without a condom at the essential moment.
72.9% of men have been without a condom at the essential moment.
70.0% of woman have been without a condom at the essential moment.
70.3% of 16-19 years olds have been without a condom at the essential moment.
72.9% of 20-30 year olds have been without a condom at the essential moment.
69.8% of people aged over 31 have been without a condom at the essential moment.
67.6 % of people in the East Midlands have been without a condom at the essential moment, the lowest regional figure.
81.0% of people in Northern Ireland have been without a condom at the essential moment, the highest regional figure.
Carrying a condom
22.0% of all people in the UK always carry a condom on a night out.
25.5% of men always carry a condom on a night out.
18.8% of woman always carry a condom on a night out.
19.3% of 16-19 years olds always carry a condom on a night out.
22.3% of 20-30 year olds always carry a condom on a night out.
23.3% of people aged over 31 always carry a condom on a night out.
19.8% of people in the North East always carry a condom on a night out, the lowest regional figure.
25.6% of people in the North West always carry a condom on a night out, the highest regional figure.
Does size matter?
61.4% of all people in the UK think size doesn't matter.
58.4% of men think size doesn't matter.
64.4% of woman think size doesn't matter.
62.5% of 16-19 years olds think size doesn't matter.
61.0% of 20-30 year olds think size doesn't matter.
61.5% of people aged over 31 think size doesn't matter.
63.9% of people in Scotland think size doesn't matter, the highest regional figure.
52.9% of people in Northern Ireland think size doesn't matter, the lowest regional figure.
Sleeping with more than one person in 24 hours
23.5% of all people in the UK have had sex with more than one person in 24 hours.
30.4% of men have had sex with more than one person in 24 hours.
16.6% of woman have had sex with more than one person in 24 hours.
22.1% of 16-19 years olds have had sex with more than one person in 24 hours.
23.1% of 20-30 year olds have had sex with more than one person in 24 hours.
25.0% of people aged over 31 have had sex with more than one person in 24 hours.
26.9% of people in Wales have had sex with more than one person in 24 hours, the highest regional figure.
18.1% of people in Northern Ireland have had sex with more than one person in 24 hours, the lowest regional figure.
Not using a condom if your partner does not want to use one
14.3% of all people in the UK would have sex without a condom if their partner did not mind.
19.7% of men would have sex without a condom if their partner did not mind.
9.0% of woman would have sex without a condom if their partner did not mind.
19.8% of 16-19 years olds would have sex without a condom if their partner did not mind.
15.3% of 20-30 year olds would have sex without a condom if their partner did not mind.
10.1% of people aged over 31 would have sex without a condom if their partner did not mind.
10.2% of people in the South West would have sex without a condom if their partner did not mind, the lowest regional figure.
18.2% of people in Wales would have sex without a condom if their partner did not mind, the highest regional figure.
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